Lone Star Rising

You ever bothered and don't know why? It's the worst kind of being bothered. It's frackin' annoying is what it is. The rhyme or reason for it, I don't know, but the last couple of days I've just been --- off. Just about everything has been setting me on edge.

I have a lot of stuff I need to get done in the next day or so, projects for the theater. So that's what I'm blaming this funk on. Deadlines and pressure, while helpful in concentrating the mind, can make me a might touchy. Seems like something is always due or something always needs work. I'm probably preaching to the choir, huh? I mean, we've all got our own plates loaded with more than our fair share -- right?

Really... I don't know what my problem is. Just got a call from one of my best friends (known on this blog as Keaton), who was calling from a pay phone since he cannot locate his mobile, to inquire about this evening and whether or not I'd heard anything about some plans the group has been batting around for a while -- a little going away thing for one of our friends (she's heading off to grad school) -- and, truth be told, I kind of don't care to go tonight. He asked me if I'm joining them and what, I said "We'll see"? What the frack?

That's awfully shitty of me, huh? I mean, here's a person who I know, a nice person, and we're supposed to be getting together to give her a good send off; and I'm sitting here wondering if I should go. Seriously -- what's got my gruff? Sorry guys, you're all awesome, but that's just how I'm feeling right now.

Maybe it's because I'm leaving for Texas in a little over 36 hours. Maybe it's that I have a ton of crap to finish and strings to tie up before I leave and I'm worried I won't have the time -- things won't get done. I'll fail someone by not doing what I promised or I'll forget something and it'll muck things up for me when I get back. Or maybe it's that I'm still out of a job and just going stir crazy after two months of nothing. Maybe it's that I haven't stopped by to see my parents in ages (two loving people who have no idea I'm going to Texas -- though, they'd probably appreciate the update) or could my frustration be that I probably won't see my girlfriend for the next two weeks and when I get back, with our busy schedules, I still won't see her as much as I'd like ---

And yes, I'd like some cheese with this fantastic load of whine.

By the by, not looking for pity or a clap on the back with a "buck up" gesutre (actually expecting a few choice words in the realm of "get over it"). Just blogging out loud as I sit here and give myself a proverbial kick in the ass. There's absolutely no reason for me to be all melancholy and curt with people. Especially my friends. And I'm sure you've loved reading this rant (that was sarcasm -- though maybe you have enjoyed it).

But it's helping. Writing through this.

I'll give you an example.

Just now -- I received another call. This time from John. He's brought to my attention a possible snag in the details of something coming up on Labor Day weekend (the OCTA conference). Now, due to a VERY recent development which benefits John, I may not have a room to crash in. Does this rattle me? No. I'm staying calm and getting over myself. When I see him later, we'll figure something out. See how easy that is? Yeah... I can do that.

The "stuff" in my life that warranted this rant isn't so monumentally destructive. Tragic though it might seem, none of it has stopped the planets turning.

But I am looking forward to getting away for a couple weeks. It'll be good. A road trip. Writing. Seeing the country. Letting things go.

I'll try to blog again before I leave --- something better than this one.

Hope all is well in your worlds.