The Winds of Change

[A post from the other night that needs posted before it becomes irrelevant.]

I don't know what to think. You ever get that? Just... can't figure out which way is up? Tonight is one of those posts when I'm probably going to ramble and twist and spin and flail about within the walls of complacency. Bear with me. I've been sick all week. I'm tired. I'm up later than I should be. And I've been thinking too much about too many things.

Things... are changing. And ... and I don't like it much. I don't. Moving offices. Friends. Changing software. Even Facebook has jumped on the bandwagon. It's all changing. And I'm sitting here on my couch fighting a head cold and heart-burn. And I'd rather be outside, but the spiders will attack and probably devour me.

Okay, they're not that big. Yet. But the one I saw tonight was creepy enough, that was certain. Quick little fucker. So here I sit at four past two. Thinking.

About shit. Not literally because that would be gross. Figuratively. Metaphorically. All the stuff. The flotsam and jetsam. Of life. Of this week. This month. This... I was just talking to a buddy online and I related to him that I feel like I'm... that my life is that subject of a TV show. And as we all know, I've penned a bunch of this out and often the show points to how my life follows sweeps patterns (basically, the really dramatic things happen in February, May, and November—I don't like any of those months). But this year, it feels like we're coming back from summer hiatus and the writers have gone crazy and changed everything for the season premiere. A shake up. Tweaked it in some way for no reason other than to fuck with a good thing.

Example. Shiny new office digs. Shows always get better workplaces after enough seasons. This change will bring new coworkers together and change the entire dynamic of my job. Ugh. Other things... new supporting characters we weren't expecting. Sub-plots never planned. The realization of plot continuations from the end of last season which told you certain things would happen... but it doesn't mean you're thrilled about the changes those plot twist have created. (Just because we expect something difficult is on its way, doesn't make it any easier when it arrives).

And I'm whining. Listen to me. I'm actually sitting here at 2 a.m. posting about the winds of change and blah blah blah. But I just... things were making sense to me. And this summer has been a mildly wild ride that would make even Mr. Toad start to spew a bit. But things were making sense.

Rambling. Cryptic talk in the wee hours of the morning.

...

Give way to early morning thoughts during Saturday rush-hour. My phone alarm woke me up. That daily buzzer that normally preps me for work has made the innocent mistake of thinking today was a day for such things.

And it should be. Though no part of me feels like doing work today. Not one ounce of my body feels that pull. Other plans, other ideas, other needs call... but nothing to do with anything called work.

Breakfast sounds good. I think I'll start with that. I'll get back to the change and the dealing. Later. For now, where did I throw my phone... ?