Hi. I used to blog here...

At some point tonight, I will fall asleep. It's pretty much a certainty. The mulled cider will most assuredly assist in that. On a perfect day in October, when the frost stops by for its first of many visits, the cider must be warmed. And mulled if possible. But somewhere along the fibers of space and time that drift rhythmically to a drum beat I yearn desperately to find, a series of events must take place tonight if my tomorrow will be what it needs to be. And that's not too much to ask is it?

Nice opening statement, wasn't it? And so it was written, 14 days ago. And then it was now; and even though my body aches with exhaustion, I am compelled to post. To break my silence. A silence that had no meaning. It's one thing to choose to be quiet, it's another to let life muzzle you.

And then I crashed. Hard. That'll happen well after 2am.

Apologies for the lack of posts. In the blogosphere, absence does not make the heart grow fonder... in some cases it causes worry. But I am fine, in case you were fretting. Or perhaps you were getting ticked that I'm just taking up server space for no apparent reason in October.

October. What an interesting month it has been all around. Truly. I'm not sure where to begin. So I'll pick a topic at random, based loosely on how it relates to my immediate time table, and go from there.

Tonight I'm off to meet a friend of a friend. One of the few people I've friended on Facebook without actually ever meeting in person (you all know who you are). We're grabbing drinks to discuss a script I'm writing/adapting from a play I wrote.

SIDEBAR

This is where I think I've discovered WHY I haven't blogged. You see, you'll notice that I don't use things like my real name on this blog. I just don't. Funny that. Probably because the internet is just so damn searchable and my boss likes to read-up on people. And I seldom dabble in working in the name of a friend. It's this thing about identity, anonymity, virtual v. offline, and some respect I have for a secrecy that I invented.

Yes. Strange.

What it does, you see, is create, in no uncertain terms, a bizarre rhetoric where I talk in circles and cryptic messages which when read back to me don't sound like "Meeting a friend of a friend for drinks at an undisclosed location," but rather "the condor flies at night" and other such nonsense. [Note: I read the pre-sidebar stuff and it sounds perfectly normal... I think the afternoon blogging was coming in at a peak stress moment. Back to the sidebar...]

And yet, cryptic I remain. Which is hilarious considering I have a twitter account. And it's not under Jamie Rotham. But if you know who I really am, it's not hard to figure out. And really --- does anyone read this who DOESN'T know who I really am? Lizza found me quite easily... but then she's a longtime friend of the blog and recalls a time when anonymity wasn't my deal.

Sigh.

Where was I before the rant of idiocy on myself?

Ah yes... drinks. About a script. It's almost Hollywood. Except there's no chance of sushi and we don't have agents.


FASTFORWARD

(I'm even writing this is quasi-script form)

INT. BURTON'S HOUSE -- NIGHT

A hodge-podge decorated room that clearly did not survive the midwest in the 1970s comes into focus. A tired man in an orange shirt hunches over his laptop, further destroying what little posture he claims to have.

Nearby, a cat sits on a couch, staring out a window into the night.

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. EUROPEAN COFFEE BAR, COLUMBUS -- NIGHT

A thriving cafe near the heart of the city where there's a laptop for every person. In a time long forgotten, people gathered here to read and discuss literature.

Now it's meet ups and term papers. Music from the mid-90s is quite happily embedded into the ambiance. Wine. Coffee. Left-leaning newspapers. The children of the revolution, circa 2008, feast on panini-grilled meals and rejoice that happy hour here means no corking fee on the wine.


It's November 12. In case you missed that smash cut and the sudden removal of italics. Sorry, let's just ponder that for a moment.

Not the italics. The date.

NOVEMBER 12.

Frak me.

In the time since I last published from this platform (far too long), we have elected a new president. And let's stop and ponder that too. Did you vote (if you live in the US)? Did you stop and take part in that glorious right called voting -- that right that countless men and women have died protecting? I hope so. We're lucky to live in a world where the people have a voice. Where people are willing to die to defend that voice. And I think it's been a while since the people made themselves heard so clearly. One way or t'other. I'm not here to talk politics and as Edward knows, I'm annoyingly tight-lipped about my leanings. I'll just say this: I exercised my right to vote. I hope you did the same.

So, October came and went. And now we're plowing through November. So many things I too am just catching up on. A cousin of mine married on All Hallow's Eve. Congrats to her. My co-worker who wasn't expecting anymore kids after her two little boys found out she's having a girl and cried happy tears with her mother knowing that she'll have a daughter of her own. I finally came up with a clever Halloween costume. And I took my 7-year old cousin/God-daughter to see a play. And she loved it. And I ached a little at how grown up she is at 7 and how much I've already missed.

The song that just came across the speakers is from Empire Records and images of my freshman year at Notre Dame come rushing back. Maybe that, or because earlier I found my old website and shuddered and laughed at how an 18 year-old in 1997 tackled HTML and the internet. Anonymity be damned. The web was smaller then. And yet it was easier to stay hidden.

I'm sitting here working on a script. It's the one I mentioned in the above text. The backstory to this moment. In fact, I won't stay long here as I have three days. THREE DAYS to finish the full draft and present it to my producer. How awesome is that. My producer. And I'm the director. Again. With the awesome.

If this Fall has done anything for me, it was started to show me a path and illuminate my priorities. I've been fortunate to have some extremely creative people getting my back and offering encouragement. The usual suspects like Keaton and Snowflake. Some newer faces like Edward and Chase. ... I chuckle. Does Chase know who he is? Edward must (and no, that's NOT his real name). It's like coming up with code names for the president. Edward might become Starbuck. Sounds more code name than Edward. I'll think about it.

Well, I aim to keep up with this blog as much as the writing and the other places where I pop up online. I owe my readers and followers updates. I have followers! How cool is that. I promise, it won't go to my head.

I'll just leave you with this. Another things I've come to notice in recent days is the precious nature of our existence and just how random things are. Friends of mine are dealing with unbelievable trauma -- those things they never expected. We don't. Do we? Expect.

Predict. Think about. The random illness. One life intersecting with another so with such force that things irrevocably change. A forgotten moment. A missed touch. Bad timing. I think about all the friends and family that are scattered about. The distance between us. How we try amongst the swirling cacaphony of life to keep in touch. To connect. It's nice. The smile brought by a TXT. The voicemails we don't delete, but hold onto for months just so we have those someones close at hand when we need to hear a comforting voice. Wondering when we made the transition from first to know to finding out on Facebook. Counting down the days to the weekend because it means more than it used to. Realizing you're still growing up at 30. When you're not even 30. We are, all of us, more alike than we realize. Just some of us are walking around with our eyes open. Others, not so much.

I think about the conversation I had with Keaton into the wee hours. Got me thinking about where I'm at and -- it was very quo vadimus for me. And if you don't know what that means, go watch Sports Night. It was a good talk.

Lots of those lately. Seems we're all seeking. We're all wanting. More. Less. Something. And we look ahead... together... apart... we look ahead.

Is your path illuminated? Can you see the world around you and still keep on target. Are the people in your life contributing to the betterment of your existence? Did you see yourself in that earlier 'graph?

I feel like there's been a massive amount of change since we last spoke. As I enter these last days of my twenties, I feel like I'm meeting my thirty-something self. I like him. We have coffee after work some nights and chat about the things that stay with a man. And the things that go with the boy. Who I am... who I want to be...

Another song from college. Everlast. Everything to everyone. How very appropriate. God, I have to laugh. Don't you?

Okay, time to go. Time to write for myself. But I'll be back. Thanks for still being here. I hope we can reconnect soon because there really is so much to share.