I'm pretty sure I don't have cabin fever, but could I have a cabin cold? I seem to be in a perpetual state of sniffles perhaps because, in my current state of indentured frugalness, I rarely go anywhere; and let me tell you -- not working, just hanging out all day -- after a few months, it's not the Carnival cruise one would expect. Maybe this constant cold is my brain's way of dealing with my lack of employment. See, at this point, most people would be stressed or worried about the finances as they head into one of the most costly times of the year. But I'm not. Of course I've always been a rather stupidly optimistic man. So as I go from day to day, I know that things will work out just fine (they always have before, why should this time be any different?) and so I keep knocking on doors and applying for a job that might let me keep my soul. Though at this point, I could handle a few twisty straws to the feet ( ...good, I'm glad you're coming with me on that).
This is most likely a psychosomatic reaction to stress manifesting in the form of the common cold. That sentence sounds very professional, doesn't it? Maybe I've been watching too much "Grey's Anatomy" lately (I'm in the middle of season two thanks to the wonderful world of DVDs and the generosity of J.Vlo). So yeah, it's psychosomatic. I actually like that better because it means I don't have Captain Tripps or something (for clarification on the nature of Captain Tripps, please visit your local book retailer and procure a copy of Stephen King's amazing novel, The Stand).
[insert unknown passage of time]
Days -- it's been a couple of them since that last paragraph. And here I sit, this time in my kitchen. Noticing a pattern? Office, bedroom, kitchen... where next, the living room? The deck? Some chain restaurant trying ever so hard to imitate an intimate cafe? Lately it seems like blogging (and even writing, these past few days) has been something I've had to try very hard to do. It shouldn't be a struggle, should it? And yet I keep moving around, trying to find a place to write, to think. Mostly to think.
Ever feel like you're at a crossroads? If not, good for you. See, right now, me, I'm not at the crossroads, not THE crossroads -- you know, the metaphorical one that at some point or another we all come to and it defines the rest of their life (yeah, that one) -- but if I had to describe it, this feeling I have, or have been having, it's that I'm on a collision course with said crossroad, maybe even staring at some smaller, less frightening yet equally important forks in the road that will lead me to THE crossroad. And now you see what happens when I start typing without editing -- I tend to talk a little wild. Forgive me.
I think I'll just post this one and elaborate in the morning. Whatever this is -- this feeling of a change, of crossroads, etc. -- I'm pretty excited about it. Feels like each day I take another step towards it. Towards this apparently life changing situation. I just wish I knew exactly what is going to happen. If you don't this about me, I'm a planner. Almost on a compulsive scale. So to not know what I'm doing or what I'm going to be doing... you can see why I have cabin fever. Though the rice and pineapple helped. Maybe I just needed to eat. Okay... okay... far too simple a solution for my wandering and confused thoughts. But it was good rice and pineapple.
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Being optimistic is good, lots of other people need more of it. You're making me wonder about this crossroads you're approaching. I have a vague sense of the nearing of my own crossroads, but I don't have a firm idea of what it actually is. And it's driving me batty.
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