Directing and Acting and Cops, Oh My! (Part I)

NOTE: This was originally written Wednesday and finished today (Saturday).

I can barely type. There's construction going on downstairs—hammering, sawing, God knows what else—and I'm sitting here, uncomfortably, at my desk at work, wondering when I can go home and take a nap. It was a late night.

Been a long week. You know, Sunday thru Wednesday... those really long four-day weeks. And shockingly, most of it has been good. Really has. So today, let's focus on the good, the fun, and the wacky.

I'm already smilin'.

For the past few weeks, I've been prepping for an audition. Been salivating over the show for months (the drooling did not go unnoticed, I'm sure), but it was only in these past couple of weeks that I was able to really focus on it. And with the way the world works, I wasn't able to focus nearly as much as I'd planned. So this past Sunday, I was scared.

I was sitting there about to audition for "A Few Good Men", the play by Aaron Sorkin (that was made into a movie you might have seen)... and I was scared.

It's funny that some of my fellow auditionees asked me how I was so calm. I took it as a compliment to my acting ability. Though anyone watching me up there would have seen my hand shaking... the nerves coursing through me like electricity. It was my first audition in two years (thank you, call casting and AACTFest) and the first time I'd ever gone up against THAT MANY PEOPLE. Holy frack—the room was practically pulsating with actors. Talented actors. Talented, less shaky, better looking actors. So yeah... me, with the nerves, worried.

I sat there, about five rows back everynight... envious of Zubov with his apparent serenity. He was so relaxed. He was so confident. He was so getting a part. Why? Because he wanted it and he had no fear. Now, some people were not shy to say similar things to me during the breaks. But then that's how the breaks work at auditions... we all get humble about our own performances and then reassure each other... lots of "oh, you're so in" or "I don't have a shot against you"... yeah... nice words, but then you stand there and think to yourself that you're in a room full of actors. No offense my peers, but the eighth circle was never so crowded.

So we read. We read... and we read some more. For those of you not familiar with auditioning... a "read" is getting up, taking a script, and acting out a scene with some other people. Then you sit down. And throw up a little in your mouth.

Don't get me wrong. It's fun. It is. Like how rollercoasters and scary movies are fun. Thrilling, sickening, terrifying all at once. At least for me. Though sometimes... sometimes there's a read where you just get it. You feel it. The character takes control and the nerves are suppressed. The fictional emotion of the moment is more powerful than the real stuff... that's a nice moment.

That happened a couple times for me by the second night of auditions (oh, yes, there are two nights). One happened when I was reading for the role of Sam. He has this speech about why he doesn't like the defendants. Why he hates them. And he talks about how they beat up on a weakling. Fantastic monologue. Dripping with emotion.

Intermingled with the emotional onslaught of Sam, I was also being read for Jack Ross, the prosecutor. He's fun. The fact that I was slicked up in a nice suit probably helped me get into character. Sure, Sam dresses nice too, but I always buttoned up and smoothed out when it was time to read Jack. I think I stood taller too. Jack's more aggressive than Sam, and yeah... I'm slipping into the tiny details of what I think about while auditioning. But then you need to think of that. How else is a casting committee going to choose you if you don't make a choice on the character?

SO... the auditions ended after two nights and we were all sent on our merry with promises of being phoned within 2 days. Translation: Go home. Get ulcer from anxiety. Your phone will ring. You might want to pray if you're so inclined.

We went to Applebees. It's a restaurant. Standard fly-over American fare. But tasty and cheap (late night happy hours on the food). And a small group of us are just sitting there. Nervous conversation. Nervous laughing. Ulcers forming. The five Pepsi colas I downed probably didn't help steady the jittery hand holding the glass.

If you've never auditioned... it's like a job interview. The after part anyway. You leave and now you're just waiting. You begin psychoanalyzing every thing: your posture, your choice of clothes, your voice, your movements. You try to imagine what the committee was thinking and if you're the type they're looking for. Essentially, your worry yourself sick over something that's completely out of your hands as the phone sits quietly taunting you.

Torture.
Sheer. Agonizing. Torture.
And then my phone rang...

It was the director. Now, at this point, there was a part of me that was cocksure that I was cast as something. Probably Sam or Jack Ross. I'd been reading those two back and forth for the whole second day (realizing quickly that my readings of Dan Kaffee—my other top pick—hadn't been what they wanted). And I'll admit that I thought I'd nailed a few of the reads and was feeling good about them (those would be the 'moments' of which I spoke).

Yep. This would be a good phone call.

Hold on there, Huckleberry, come on back to the stable... that's what the OTHER part of me was screaming. The scared part. The part of me that stopped beating for a microsecond when that phone rang... panic coursed through me... doubt... worry... this utterly sickening fear that I was still playing second fiddle and after narrowing myself into two possible roles, hadn't landed a thing.

It was a tough audition. I had cause to fret.

But a few minutes later (because the director likes to drag this part out... seriously, felt like he took a holiday and then came back to tell me this), he offered me the role of Jack Ross.

He doesn't know it, but I jumped up and down and screamed with joy. In my head. See... I was the first to get a call and I wasn't sure how many of my comrades there would receive calls like mine, so I just politely accepted the role. Thanked him. Hung up. Sat back down. And told them of the casting decision.

I think there was shock involved too. I'm always mildly surprised when cast in a role. It wears off, but it was there. And it was tough being the first one called. And while there were a couple other calls that night, not everyone got one and the longer it takes your phone to ring after an audition, the less likely that you're getting a call you'll like. And wow... it sucks because you want to celebrate, but you want to be there for your friends who are still in the worry-place, still nervous, and rapidly convincing themselves that it's not gonna go well. Bracing for impact, in all reality.

It's been almost a week and the pieces have fallen where they may. Some of my friends are in this show. Some are not. And that's theatre. A lot of playing pretend and fun times, peppered with moments of unbridled competition and fierceness that can be rough.

For the cast, we're gearing up for read-thrus and table work and then... well, I'm sure I'll blog about it soon, so I won't get into it here. I'll just say that I'm smilin'. Alot.

So that's part I of my big news. Yes, part I. Because, you see, a few days before the auditions, I received another wonderful tidbit of information that I'd been waiting to hear. And it rocked. And I'm stoked.

And I have to drive to Cleveland this morning... so I will post part II later today or Sunday... promise. Yes. This is incredible torturous and mean to make you wait to hear about it. But this is another huge thing to me that I'd like to preface and talk about.

Like this news. Sure, I could have said: "Auditioned for a play. Got a role. Playing a guy named Jack." But that wouldn't have been, you know, boss (doesn't Stephen King say the best things?) and wouldn't have properly shown any respect for just how pumped I am. A short post cannot do justice to these victories in my life. I'm completely on cloud nine about "A Few Good Men". Heading back to the gym soon and planning a lot of things to help me prep for playing a Marine. I hope you'll come see it if you can. More details on that soon.

Gotta go for now. Check back for the other news soon. And an explanation about the cops in the title. In fact, some of you can probably figure out the news from that. The rest of you... hope your hearts grow fonder for me while you wait. Until next time...