When did I stop writing? Was it before 2007? Before Christmas? In the Fall? When did I, a self-professed "writer", put down the pen and stop picking it up? I can't remember the last time I even accessed my jump drive. That small silver treasure chest of stories and thoughts, all bottled up now, which jingles against my keys in my right pocket as I walk.
When did I stop writing? Maybe it was when the stonghold of theatre embraced me. Don't get me wrong---acting and directing are thrilling in their own right. Advancing to the Region III AACTFest competition with "Inventing Van Gogh" is beyond amazing. And watching everything come together this week for "Darkside" is giving me that excited rumble in my gut that I love.
But I'm not writing. And that's... I don't know. Maybe that's where some of my recent stress and melancholy was born.
Just observing. Trying to work out the thoughts in my brain. They're jumping around a lot, the neurons are firing, and it's nearly chaos up there. Need to slow down. Need to clear my head.
Need to write.
And a recent opportunity to write has presented itself, and yet I feel myself reluctant to accept. That's something I need to figure out---and fast. 'Cos if I'm not in it, mentally and emotionally, the writing will stagnate.
So am I filling up my time with other pursuits because they mean as much to me as writing---or am I spending my time making plans because I'm afriad of the blank page? Afraid of what won't be there when I place pen to paper? Afraid the jumbled mess isn't brillance, but full blown drudge... rotting there inside because I've been away from it too long. The stories are melting together, the characters loosing distinction, the worlds that I once knew as clearly as the one you and I share, are fading.
Question is not when did I stop writing. It's why.
Gonna think on that. Will post more soon.
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Sometimes it's good to take a break from things we love-that way when we come back to them, we remember why we loved them so much in the first place. It's like fasting for a day so your next meal will taste even better.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the why soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd...blogging is also writing, isn't it? I hope you don't stop this form of writing when you resume the type of writing you want to be doing.
Hey Jeremy...great post! Don't worry...good writers never lose that gift inside them. And you are a great writer.
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of a quote I read once -- maybe it speaks to why writers sometimes struggle: There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. (Red Smith)
I sometimes feel that way. Do you? Take care...