We are the lucky ones... why don't we remember that?

Reposted from my Facebook notes:

This is odd for me. I'm not --- I don't --- I'm an emotional cripple, as my sister would say. And that's not an insult... just a funny way of saying that I don't exude much emotion. And I don't... publicly. Many of you know this. You've seen it. Or the lack of it. I could be over the moon about something, but you might never know if I didn't tell you. I'm so mellow that people often think I'm not impressed, or that I'm judging. When really, I'm just trying to maintain control.

I'm working on it. Outwardly displaying the feelings that surge through me. Because I do feel. A lot. There are so many things in this world that can easily move me to tears --- not in sadness, but in that way that you're overcome with a wave of emotion and feeling so intense that you... burst, for lack of a better term, and it's one of the main reasons that I write. A story. A blog. Some note. The next play. Transcribed into film. Lyrics of poetry.

And right now, I'm not sure what to do. Do I write? Do I cry? I don't know. As I crawl into my bed tonight, my grandma is fighting for her life in the heart of the city. I won't get into many details here, but the short version is that things were really bad today for her. But I know that she's a tough old bird. The oldest of eight, she raised half of her siblings after losing both her parents by the time she was 19. And if I start getting into the amazingness that is her, it'll be a long night.

Today was one of the ones that I wish I could forget, but being with my family... seeing aunts, uncles, cousins, and the whole tribe together... it was really quite something. It reminded me just how close we are. And how one woman, going on 84, truly is the heart of this family --- the one that holds us all together. And we are lucky to have her.